Tuesday, 24 February 2015

My 18th Birthday | Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For A Night)


You know how you sometimes listen to a song and it's one of those songs that gives you that feeling in your chest and, you want to listen to it all the time and, you want to share it with someone who means a lot to you because the song means a lot to you and, you want to share it with everyone but, at the same time you just want to keep it to yourself because it means so much to you and you love it too much to share it.
Or is that just me?

The first time that I listened to 'Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For A Night)' by All Time Low I got all those feelings at once.  And yes, you're right, it's pretty weird to feel all those things at the same time but, it's also really amazing.  I get so filled with emotion when I hear this song and I think it's because the song itself is so filled with emotion.  Not only can you hear how much emotion is in this song but you can really, really feel it.

If you've been hanging around with me on my blog for a while them you'll know that I've said this about quite a few songs.  And if you are one of these people (thanks for sticking with me!) you might be getting to a stage when you think that I'm just throwing around these words, I can't possibly feel this way about so many songs.  And I don't blame you if you're starting to think this but, bear with me for this post because this song is different.


 This week is my 18th birthday and I'm feeling a mixture of emotions about it. 
I'm at a stage in my life where I have no idea what my future holds after the month of June and, that scares me.  My future (just like everyone else's on this planet) is a great big unknown.  A part of me feels a slight slither of excitement about this - absolutely anything could happen and that's pretty cool.
But I'm mostly scared.  Instead of my last year at high school, I'm currently part way through a one year college course.  My friends know what they'll be doing in the future; starting university, continuing their college courses, continuing their studies at university,  taking gap years to make some more money or to volunteer.  Then there's me.  I have some very random ideas about what I could do when I finish my college course but to be completely honest, I have absolutely no idea what will be happening and this petrifies me.

I am the sort of person who likes to be in control of situations that I'm in.  I like to be ready at least five minutes earlier than I need to be, I set things out the evening before I'm going somewhere and, I like to know where I'll be and what I'll be doing in both the near and far future.
But recently it seems I've been throwing this out the window. 
I have a (sort of) college assessment that I'm completely unprepared for because I'm so nervous about it (why do I constantly get myself worked up about the smallest of things?), I've started losing really silly things (like my earphones and a bracelet) really easily and this has been making me really upset for some reason and, while my friends are applying for university and college, I'm sitting in a corner eating way too many digestive biscuits in an attempt to make myself feel the tiniest bit okay. 


At the beginning of this year I had in my head that 2015 was going to be an amazing year for me.  You're probably thinking "Carolyn it's only February, it could still be a really amazing year" but, me being the pessimist that I am, I'm just worrying about what on earth could actually happen for me this year.  I am aware that I could end up looking back on it and remembering how amazing it was but, at the same time I could end up looking back and regretting the decisions I made regarding my future.
 Since I'll be turning 18 it seems I'm at the age where EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT I'LL BE DOING WITH MY LIFE AFTER COLLEGE!  I've been telling people that I'm not really sure but I'm thinking about an apprenticeship.  Because this is sort of true, but so far my apprenticeship hunt has been unsuccessful which has been scaring me a lot.

Although I am extremely scared about my future, I am holding onto a tiny piece of hope that I have in that there are a few months (well till June or maybe even the end of May) where I can try and figure out what I'll be doing.

The song that's been helping me to remember this and is stopping me from going from complete meltdown (the stage I'm currently at) to completely unfunctional (a stage that I'm almost at as you probably gathered) is 'Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For A Night)' by All Time Low - see there was a reason why I was rambling on about it earlier!
If you know me well then you're probably thinking "Here we go again!  She's going to ramble on about how much she loves an All Time Low song, there's no surprises there".  But this is different because for me, this song is different.

From the first time I listened to this song I have loved it as much as I possibly can.  I've listened to it on repeat for hours, I know the lyrics, harmonies, guitar riffs and, bass line almost inside out and, it's a song that makes me feel something different every time I listen to it.

I absolutely adore the lyrics to this song and, these are some of the lines that are sticking out for me in my current situation of being scared about my future:

"I'm on my way to striking out
Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone
Watching, waiting, they're yours for the taking
But I still have my doubts"

I think the line that really strikes me from this part of the first verse is "But I still have my doubts" because as you can tell from this entire post, I am a natural worrier.  For me it's nice to have some reassurance that I'm not the only person like this and that, yes, it's actually okay to be doubtful. 

"Before you ask which way to go, remember where you've been"

I feel as though before I start deciding what I'm going to do with my future, I need to take some time to reflect on my past.  Unfortunately this will involve thinking about high school (a time in my life where I was in a pretty dark place for most of it), and what I learnt there and how the qualifications I gained could have an impact on what jobs/courses/apprenticeships I apply for.
I also want to have a look back at the things I've enjoyed doing over the past few years and see if there is any way that I can incorporate them into my future.
I think that before I figure out where I'm going, I need to think about where I've been.

The entire chorus:


"Stay awake, get a grip and get out
You're safe from the weight of the world
Just take a second to set things straight
I'll be fine even though I'm not always right
I can count on the sun to shine
Dedication takes a lifetime
But dreams only last for a night"
I have so many thoughts and feelings that I want to share with you based purely on the chorus.  But please bare with me because there will hopefully be something worthwhile in my dissection of this small section of the song.
When I first heard this song, the line that stuck out to me was "Get a grip and get out, You're safe from the weight of the world" and it still is a line that means a lot to me.  This is mainly because, like everyone else, a lot of the time I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the freaking universe (not just the world) on my shoulders.  But this line also made me think mainly about the weight that the world is putting on me.
I'm the sort of person who on top of the pressure that is put on by the people in my life and society in general, I put a lot of pressure on myself.
The first time I heard this line it was like I was being told that while I was listening to this song I was safe from all that pressure and that I was going to be okay.

The line "Take a second to set things straight" is helping me so much right now.  Although thinking about how much worrying I've been doing, I might need a bit more than a second to set things straight.  But this line is providing me with some comfort just now, it's okay if I need to take some time to just figure out what on earth I want to do with my life.

The next two lines "I'll be fine even though I'm not always right, I can count on the sun to shine" have been really helping to remind me that I might make decisions that end up taking me down one path and it's okay to change my mind about it part way through.  Also, hopefully things will all be okay in the end.

The final two lines of the chorus "Dedication takes a lifetime, But dreams only last for a night" are pretty powerful, at least they are for me.  I know that whatever I want to do with my future it's going to take a lot of hard work and dedication.  But I also need to remember not to take what I have for granted, nothing lasts forever.

"This ship is sinking, I'm thinking I'm done for
I watch as the sails disappear underwater
'Cause I'm no captain yet"

I think what I like about this part of the second verse is "'Cause I'm no captain yet".  I need to remember that whatever I end up doing in my future it could be something completely new to me.  I may have little or no experience in whatever I end up doing and that's okay.
It's okay to be clueless when it comes to something I know nothing about because, that means I have the opportunity to learn something and that's pretty exciting.


"Believe you me, I'll give them everything,
I'd tell them anything to show them everything"

This part of the middle 8 kind of explains how I'm feeling just now.  I'm at the stage sometimes where I will tell people anything just to stop them asking questions about what I'll be doing after college.  I think this is mainly because not everyone thinks it's okay to not know what's happening in your future and, they definitely don't think it's okay to not have a lot of control over some aspects of your life. 
I will admit that I am sometimes guilty of this but it's something I'm trying not be anymore.
I just wish that I could just be given a little room to breathe (excuse the You Me At Six reference there) to just make an attempt at getting my head straight and, figuring out what I'm supposed to do in the future.

I think what I'm saying with this is that I'm going to be turning 18 this week.  This both excites and scares me.  I'm having to think a lot about my future and this really, really scares me.  And finally, I'm really grateful to All Time Low for writing the song 'Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For A Night)' and to God for letting me hear it at the right time.

Let me know in the comments what you thought of this quite long, rambly post.  I love hearing from you and in this case, any advice would be greatly appreciated with a virtual hug.


Instagram  |  Pinterest  |  Bloglovin