Sunday, 18 October 2015

Becoming Your Own Hero | Part 6: Choosing Happiness
To be completely honest with you all I've started writing this with no idea as to where it's going.  It's been so long since I just sat here and typed away to you all, I've missed it dearly.  But now that I'm attempting to get back into blogging, I'm having a seriously bad case of bloggers block.
Over the past few months I've had a lot going on.  I got my first full time job (which is the main reason why I've been very absent from the blogging world for just over two months!), I moved out to live with strangers, but these said strangers are now my closest friends, and I'm living in and adjusting to a completely new environment.
My self confidence has been on a horribly hectic rollercoaster.  The majority of the time it's not been in a good place but, I do have moments where my self confidence is starting to get better.  I think this is due to me feeling a lot happier with where my life is just now.  Although I'm currently not feeling all that good.  But I'm trying not to dwell on this.
I'm trying more to focus on the blessings I have in my life.  As someone with a pessimistic mind-set, you can probably imagine that this is extremely difficult for me.

Happiness is a huge factor in self confidence and I guess this is a big reason as to why I'm struggling with self confidence so much.  I let the littlest of things get me down, and I definitely take almost everything personally.  I focus on the negatives in my life rather than all the great things God's blessed me with, but I've decided I need to try and flip this around.
Life is a gift and to be completely honest, I wasted the majority of my teenage years being selfish, jealous, and feeling sorry for myself.  I don't like that I used to be like that and that I sometimes still am, I hate myself for it.  I don't want to waste anymore of my life moping around.  Don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong in feeling these emotions because I believe that God wouldn't have given us these emotions if he didn't want us to feel them. But I'm so, so tired.

I'm tired of allowing my happiness be supressed by other peoples opinions of me, what clothes I own/wear, my weight, my voice, how easily I laugh, my height, my relationship status, what other people have that I don't, whether my hair is doing what I want it too or not, how many views my blog posts are getting, the way I look in general, my skin, and so many other things.

I let one small thing affect my day to day happiness in such huge ways that I end up wasting entire days, or even weeks, feeling down and sorry for myself.  I'm starting to get really fed up with myself for feeling this way.

Choosing happiness is not easy.  It's not something that can be done 24 hours a day.  And it can't be done 7 days a week either.

Happiness is a result of self confidence and vice versa. 
I need to start appreciating the things in my life that make me happy, to stop feeling guilty or embarrassed when I am happy, and realising that it's also okay to feel down from time to time.

But most of all I need to start choosing happiness.  Because I feel that if I'm able to choose happiness, then in time I'll be able to start gradually choosing to feel confident in myself as well.

This post is part of my Becoming Your Own Hero series, you can read all the posts in this series so far by clicking here.

Let me know in the comments some of the things you do to choose happiness, I'd love to get some ideas!


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