Saturday, 2 January 2016

A New Year: Fragility & Perspective | 2016


 
I've just reread my new year post from last year for the first time in a long time.  It's crazy to think how much can change in the space of 365 days. 
 
December 2015 was challenging, emotional, and at times extremely difficult.  The fragility of life was made very clear to me in a raw and painful way when a close member of my family passed away at the end of November (hence why I've been absent from the blogging world), so the early days of December were spent trying to come to terms with this loss.  I'm still not quite there yet. 
 
I've said time and time again on this blog that I'm quite a pessimistic person, it's just the way that my brain is wired, trying to change this has been difficult. 
 
At the beginning of July I moved out to start a full time job and this was an extremely scary decision for me, but one that I know has most definitely been for the best.  It has made me happier, and helped my self confidence to grow.  Although I'm still having days where I find myself drowning in doubt, worry, and anxiety, and these days have become more frequent recently, I've decided to try my best to not let this shape how I'm going to start this new year. 

 


 
Whether we like it or not death is inevitable.  We are not guaranteed our next second, minute, day, month, or year.  But, like so many others, I live my life as though I am invincible and as though I have many years ahead of me. 
But whether I like it or not, the future for me and everyone else on this planet is a great big unknown.  And this scares me a lot.  But at the same time, it's kind of brilliant.
 
I've heard the saying "live every day like it's your last" more times than I'd care to count.  But I've only recently realised that for all I know this day could be my last, so I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop taking life for granted. 
 
Human life is fragile, short, and filled with ups and downs.  Thinking about this has made my mind go to some pretty dark places and made me feel scared and emotional a lot of the time. 
But at the same time it's made me put things into perspective. 
 
I may have a list of things going on in my life that are making me scared, upset, angry, and worried.  But I have a list twice as long of things in my life to be thankful for and that make me happy and I forget this on a daily basis.  I need to make the time on a daily basis to be thankful for what I have (even if it is just my favourite Primark pyjamas), to tell the people that I love how I feel, and to let go of the negative things in my mind and in my life.



  Yes, life is fragile.  But above everything else life is beautiful.  Life is crazy, fun, loud, scary, exciting, exhilarating, upsetting, busy, stressful, bright, and just completely mad.

This thing called life that we all try to tackle on a daily basis is a huge, unknown adventure, if we make it one. 

I need to stop wallowing in self pity, take my life (including everyone and everything in it) for granted, and start making it an adventure, despite the anxiety that I feel on a daily basis, I need to start seeing the good in my life and stop dwelling on the bad. 

Life is fragile and I need to have a perspective where I am aware of this, but aware of it in a way that makes me live my life as an unknown adventure instead of being scared of it. 


Carolyn
x

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