Monday, 19 September 2016

Delight & Learn To Be Fearless

I'm quite a worrier, I get anxious easily, and I'm scared of the day I never saw.  I will spend hours worrying about situations that are yet to happen or might never happen.  But over the past couple of weeks God's been challenging the worrisome mind-set that I have.   He's telling me to stop being scared, and to trust in Him.  For me this is turning out to be a lot easier said than done, but I am slowly learning. 

Since the start of summer I've felt distant from God until recently when I learnt a very important and difficult but simple lesson.  And that is to give it up.  Whatever it is that you're carrying, that secret you've kept for years, that battle you've been fighting for months, that thing you've been struggling with but you're too proud to ask for help.  Give it up.  Give it over to God, let it go and let Him take care of it.  Because He's your Father and if He can't take care of it, then who can?

I've been stumbling my way through these past few months, and gradually hurting more and more, and feeling sorry for myself in the tough times I've been in.  But then my friend shared James 1:2-4 with me and it was something I needed to hear. 

This was an encouragement because it reminded me that everyone goes through low points in their faith, we're human and we mess up so it's impossible to constantly feel on fire for God.
It was a bit of a slap in the face because being told that the difficulties you're facing are a "sheer joy" isn't really what you want to hear when you're feeling completely hopeless and lost in your faith.
But, this passage was the kick up the butt that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself, hand my fears over to God and start making more of an effort to face challenges and life in general with Gods love fuelling me rather than my own fear, because I've learnt the hard way that that won't get me anywhere.

When we feel like we're facing a constant battle in our faith, we can sometimes feel like we're hanging by a thread of faith.  That thread of faith is better than no thread at all because faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.  And although we might only be hanging onto a single thread, God has a stronger thread hanging onto us constantly. The thread of God's love is constantly getting stronger as he does everything He can to bring us closer to Him, even when we feel like this this thread is invisible.  Even on the days when we're crying out to Him in loneliness, He's there watching over us and working in us to make us stronger. 

I'm trying my best to hand my fears, my anxieties and my worries over to God.  Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not, and sometimes it has crazy outcomes. 

One thing is teaching me through fearlessness is to feel content within myself.  Although I still have days when I look in the mirror and my attention goes straight to my flaws.  But I'm slowly learning to accept my jiggly thighs, flabby tummy, and spotty skin as who God has made me to be, and if I really want to change this then it's up to me to do it.  I'm accepting that I giggle far too easily, and far too loudly.  I'm learning that I talk far too much, and I talk far too quickly.  I'm learning that to love myself I need to fill myself with a love for God, and then everything else, including contentment with who I am, will gradually fall into place.  This doesn't meant that I'm suddenly going to stop worrying, or that I won't face trials, it just means that I'm facing life with God by my side and He's teaching me to be fearless.

I'm learning to say yes to things that scare me and to try my best to not worry about them before they come.  Because God wouldn't make me feel like I should do these things, if He wasn't going to give me the courage and the words to say.  Which is why I'm going to Australia for a month next year (INTERNALLY SCREAMS IN DISBELIEF!!), I'm leading a Bible study tonight that I've only been attending for a few weeks, and I'm trying to tackle my hospital appointments with God instead of by myself. 

I'm slowly but surely learning to trust in God instead of being controlled by my own fear.  It's not easy but the outcome is beautiful because I know it's Gods will and that feels amazing.