Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Delight & Learn To Skate

I love ice skating.  I've been going ice skating since I was really little, I've only ever done it for fun, nothing professional but I still really enjoy it.  Although I really like ice skating, I am so, so bad at it.  I grip the wall of the rink and drag myself around, I shuffle along the ice and if I slip even slightly I freak out. 

I went ice skating a few weeks ago with a couple of my friends and it was really good fun.  We only had half the rink so this meant I could shuffle round the edges quicker than normal!  I went with two of my friends, one of who used to play ice hockey and he's been trained in figure skating, and my other friend had just spent a few months in Canada going skating regularly with experienced skaters.  So it's safe to say I felt a little out of place. 

But, I decided to try and make the most of the two hours we had on the ice by hiring hockey skates for the first time and occasionally letting go of the side for a millisecond.  I was doing pretty well and was quite pleased with myself, until one of my friends decided he'd lean against the side so I'd have to let go of the side to move around him.  I freaked out. 

I tried to persuade him to move but he was pretty determined that I was going to let go of the side, after all I had had a death grip on the wall for the best part of an hour.  So, I tried to be brave and let go of the side, but next thing I knew he had grabbed my hands and was helping me to skate round the middle of the rink.  Although I was pretty scared at this point and was digging my nails into his wrists while squealing, I was pretty excited to not be dragging myself round the edge anymore.

But then he let go. 

I was left in the middle of the rink.  By myself.  The girl who cannot skate to save herself was standing in the middle of the ice rink scared beyond belief.  I was freaking out, trying to persuade one of my friends to come and help me out, but they left me in the middle willing me to be brave. 

I've been thinking about this day a lot, and about how so often I'll be heading one way and then God will step in because He wants me to go a different way.  I'll stand there and try to argue with him and I'll be stubborn and think that pulling myself along the edges of life is what I should be doing. 

But God grabs both my hands and pulls me into a big life adventure that I find so terrifying, but He's there holding my hands and guiding me along the whole way.  But a part of me doesn't trust Him, so I let go of His hands and I'm left alone, at least I feel like I am.  But as I struggle around like Bambi on ice He's there the entire time, He's watching over me carefully and if I fall He's the first one there to help me up, just like He has been my entire life.  So why do I still struggle to trust him the most? 

Yep, you heard me right.  My wonderful Father, God and Saviour is the one who I struggle to trust the most.  He's never given me a reason to not trust Him, in fact He's given me so many blessings and reasons to trust Him completely.  Yet, I'm still scared to hand over parts of my life to Him.  I'm scared to stop pulling myself around the edges of the ice rink in the little routine I've developed, I'm scared to let Him take things in a different direction. 

In a recent post I talked about how I've been struggling to trust God, to know that He has a plan for me that is bigger than anything I can imagine.  Although I am doing better at trusting Him and gradually building a stronger relationship with my Father, there's a part of my heart that I'm struggling to give to Him. 

I trust other people far too easily, I allow myself to be vulnerable and open, yet I can't give my heart over to my Father who will care for my heart better than I could ever imagine.  Even better, he will give me a completely new heart to love Him with and serve Him with.  I need to make Him the absolute centre of my heart and try my best to get rid of the things that are pulling me away from Him.  There are so many things in my heart that are taking His place and I want to change this, I want to have a Jesus centred heart. 

The thought of giving my heart completely to God is one that is daunting to me but I've recently learnt that my God is so powerful and magnificent that the thought of not completely giving my heart to Him is ridiculous. 

Yes, even if I completely give my heart to Him there will still be days when I feel like my God's left me alone in the middle of the ice rink, when really He's there the whole time watching over me and taking care of me, I just need to trust him with my heart.


I'd just like to add a little note at the end to say that this post is dedicated to my wonderful friend Laura for putting up with me and my antics, as well as being an absolutely amazing friend and a true sister in Christ to me.