Saturday, 25 May 2019

A New Chapter






The past six months have panned out in a different way to what I was expecting.  I was anticipating that life would be a little unsettled for the first few months of this year, but twenty nineteen has been painted with much darker tones than I had expected.  Yes, there have been moments of bright colour threaded throughout which I am so grateful for and cling onto in my heart.  But the reason they shine so brightly is because they are weaved throughout a much darker backdrop.  

Since returning home from Sydney in early December after living there for a year, I have moved twice, and am now settling back into life in the Scottish Highlands. 

The biggest change that has taken place over these past six months is that of being diagnosed with a chronic illness.  After multiple tests and visiting specialists, my doctor gave me the diagnosis for fibromyalgia.  This all came about due to experiencing widespread pain across my body, particularly my knees and hands, and becoming more easily fatigued than what was usual for me. 
I am slowly coming to terms with my diagnosis and am learning to slowly adjust to the differences this brings to my day to day life.  It was hard, yet at the same time I knew that God was holding me and that He had been all along.   

Throughout all these months I had felt as though I had come home but my relationship with God had stayed in Australia.  God felt so distant and I myself felt so empty.  I was angry with God and didn't know what to do with this feeling.  After leaving a community church service one evening, I drove home in tears, and eventually pulled over into a passing place.  I screamed at God and cried out to Him.  I lay myself bare before Him and allowed myself to become unravelled. 

Over these past few weeks I have been slowly taking baby steps with God and trying to take life a day at a time with Him.

Writing and blogging used to be a part of my life which I loved, it was a creative outlet for me and a way in which I could process and ponder.  I am hoping to slowly ease back into this as I have missed it dearly.  I am hoping this can become a space where I share my faith, my experiences with living with a chronic illness, and I am also hoping to explore eco and sustainable living on my blog as well.

Although I feel there will be a slow start to this new chapter I am hoping to fall into a rhythm of sharing on here and my instagram, and for writing to become a creative outlet for again.   



Carolyn 
x




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